DIE UNIX….. DIE!!!!!!

So damn frustrated with using a unix terminal. Had to install and configure apache on a unix terminal. Not just a simple apache installation but with mod digest, ssl, basic authentication, virtual host, customised error messages, extended error and access logs for all virtual host, customised headers, php support, etc etc… Damn! That’s tons to configure..

Installing it in windows, takes a few click of the mouse button. Not so with a unix terminal where having a mouse is luxury. I have to type so much commands just to install apache and php. And after that, tons more just to configure al the modules and extra. After each module is installed, usually long time later, I would have to stop the server and restart it again.

./apachectl stop
./apachectl startssl

oppssss.. it dun work.. damn… change directory, edit httpd.conf, go back to bin directory and start all over again. Repeat few hundred times. K finally done… Now to next module…

./apachectl stop
./apachectl startssl

hmmmm… another error.. oh well… edit httpd.conf files again, still dun work.. module not installed as DSO.. WTH is that??? Configure apache installation, compile source again, install.. wait… check modules directory, still not installed.. Damn… Configure apache installation with new commands, compile and install.. Then edit httpd.conf to load up new modules.. Hmmmm modules still missing.. Start all over again and repeat for the next few hundred times again.. Arrrrgggghhhhhhh….

Am thinking that all the comands I’ve typed over the course of configuring this server can be compiled into a thick book by now.. Makes me appreciate my windowd more now.. So what if unix is secure etc.. I like having my mouse..

Isn’t it strange
That the stars don’t shine no more now since you’re gone
Isn’t it strange
That we can’t look back and say just what went wrong

Isn’t it strange
That you told me one thing suddenly changed your mind
Isn’t it strange
That you called for me turn away and leave me behind

I wanna know now where we are
Should I pretend and let things be
I wanna know when what you’ve done
Could you come face to face with me

Isn’t it strange
That the world seems to turn away when I try to explain
What’s so strange
That two can be as one and yet not same

I wanna know now where we are
Should I pretend and let things be
I wanna know when what you’ve done
Could you come face to face with me

Cause it feels like I’m drowning
Feels like I’m drowning without you
I know the feeling
Cause I felt this all before
And it feels like I’m dying
Feels like I’m dying now I know the truth

I hope you don’t feel just like me
I hope you’re happy
Don’t feel just like me

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling with my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me.

Strange as that may seem, listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do - just listen. Advice is cheap, 20 cents will get you Dear Abby in the newspaper. And I can do for myself, I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact, that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you, and get about this business of understanding what’s behind these irrational feelings. And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious, and I don’t need advice. Irrational feelings makes sense when we understand what’s behind them. Perhaps that’s why, prayers works, sometimes, for some people. Because god is mute, and he doesn’t give advice or try to fix anything. God just listens and let you work it out youself.

So please listen and hear me. And if you want to talk, wait aminute for your turn and I will listen to you.

I may be irrational these few days and I’m still trying to find the reason behind it. It just seems that so many things have contributed towards me feeling like this and I can’t pinpoint it to any one exact reason. Its not that I’m trying to pick a fight or to find fault. I’m sorry if anyone I’ve talked to the last few days feels so. I just told you how I feel, cos I thought you’d understand. I guess its best I be left alone for now, till I can understand whats behind all these irrational feelings. Am just now myself lately.

Today marks the first day of the reservist training for the medics of 682 Sir. Training was conducted at SMM (School of Military Medicine) and everyone reported at 7.30 am. All except me I guess. Muahahahhaa… For the last 2 years, I was the senior medic and it sure wasn’t an easy job. No more training for me this year.

Was chatting with Azel and it seems like the BCS (Batallion Casualty Station) team, aka field hospital team is down to only 6 man. … Darn.. that is really too little people. What happened to everyone? There’s suppose to be a full team of 12 people. Minus me and minus the 2 doctors, should still have 9. Where the other 3 go?? lol.. And this is just for the training. I heard that for the ICT the following month, Mark not coming so it will be down to 5 man??? Hmmm… how to effectively set up and man a BCS with only 5 man.. Muahahaha…

Anyway.. have fun guys.. I sure miss all of you….

Nothing like a nice home cook dinner with close friends to make your day. Gina and Yenying invited me over for dinner since they were cooking and I was happy. It was really nice of them. So sweet. Anyway, it was more like supper than dinner cos it was already 11.30 by the time I got there. Oh well.. but still it was nice. I remembered the last time somone invited me over to their house for dinner was last year. Somewhere in Sept, Erlina and Sharen invited me to their house in Northcote for dinner too Hehehehe..

Anyway, dinner was nice. Some curry chicken with lots of potatoes and rice to go with it. It was good and I really ate a lot. They cooked too much though cos I cant finish all the food and there were some leftovers. Chicken was great and having home cooked food for a change was good. Been eating out a lot lately cos I’m too lazy to cook and also too busy with my school work. The only home cooked food I’ve eaten recently was prepared by Gabrielle’s mum. SHe been cooking for me quite a lot too and I really must thank her.

Got back home at bout 2.15 and 5 mins later, got a knock on my door. Was half expecting it to be Erlina but then realised she’s left Melbourne Am gonna miss her so much. I wanted to tell her how much I am gonna miss her when I met her this afternoon but I just didn’t know how to say it out. Its really hard. I thought that I was gonna tell her later but turns out I didn’t have a chance too. The car sending her to the airport had no place for me so I did not send her off. Anyway, the knock was from Jay and guess what. He dropped off the gift Erlina left for me. There’s a letter inside and I’m really so touched by what she wrote. Really sooooo touched. I know I’m really gonna miss her sooooo much..

She’s a nice girl and the weird thing is, we dun really talk much. SHe would come over, and sit there quietly and I would be all quiet too. Very little word will be exchanged but the bond we have is incredible. SHe can tell when I’m sad and she knows just what to do. I must say action speaks louder than words. When she left, I felt like I’ve had the best conversation in ages even if we didn’t really talk that much. Anyway, I just have this to say to her….

Thx for always being there. It seems like whenever I’m at the lowest point of my life, you will be there. Last year as well as now. You made my day just by being there, even if you’re all quiet. This last 1 mth sure passed by fast. Seems to me like it was only yest that you came over. Knowing you was the best thing to happen to me in Melbourne. I love you so much too. If you ever need a friend, count on me to be there. I’ll see you back in Sg. You take care of yourself and try not to fall off the bed again at night can? Friends forever.. Muah..